Today is Suicide Loss Awareness Day. In the year 2022, we lost 49,000 people due to suicide, with 192 of those people being from South Dakota. My heart goes out to those affected by this.
I had a moment of realization when I saw these numbers and thought, "huh, I would have been another statistic to add to make the numbers 193 & 50,000." What a strange thought. A year ago today, I was debating staying on this earth. A year ago today, Karlee was a different person. It's insane to think of the person I was then versus now.
I'm incredibly grateful for the amount of growth that's occurred. However, I still have my days where it's hard to want to be here. Suicidal ideation isn't something you can just shut off. God knows I would have if that was a choice. I just want to reiterate that all days aren't sunshines and butterflies. Yet, everyday is a gift. Something we just count on, take advantage of. I'm trying to train my brain still on how beautiful everyday is and can be.
Today is also Deer Opener, as you can see, that is not a deer in the photo to the left. This is my first coyote. You may be asking yourself why the coyote looks alive. Well, that's because it kind of still was.
I had shot him this morning after watching him hunt and I knew there were no deer in the area. I gut shot/spined him as he instantly lost control of his back end. I cried as I watched him howl and roll down the hill to lay down to die. The vet tech in me just had a moment. These vile predators are something I'd happily shoot again, especially after this experience.
A couple hours later we checked on him and his eyes were wide open, staring into my soul. We then left him be, to die. After breakfast we went back to finish the job if he was still kicking with the 17 gauge.
After this was done, I trotted on down the hill to retrieve my kill. I picked this dog up and bear hugged it. Minutes later during photo time, I feel his jaw move under my right hand. My family just gasps and goes, "Karlee did you just move his face...?" After I said no, they screamed to drop him and let him officially die. He finally took his last breath and we continued with pictures. What a memory. What a photo to capture the exact moment his shocked body came back to life.
Then during tonight's hunt, my sister killed a yote as well. What an odd opening deer morning. One we've never had anything similar to. One we'll never forget, that's for sure.
Tonight I ask y'all to try to remember to be grateful for the little things. The small moments in life. Today I had a selfish moment of, "damn my sister stole my thunder on my first coyote kill" when really my mindset should have been "wow that's so cool we doubled up and she also got her first coyote". It's hard to train your brain. Especially daily. However, it is doable. We just have to rearrange and reevaluate what's really worth our time and energy. Always remember to give yourself some grace. Take care.
xoxo
-KayJo
